Does the concept of family bring you warm feelings or nightmares?
For many people their memory of childhood is filled with positive experiences of strength and solidarity. That’s what it’s like for me – my upbringing was in a safe home with parents and siblings who loved me. I was encouraged to pursue interests in many areas and challenged to achieve academically. Successes were celebrated loudly and publicly. Any mistakes I made were first confronted with love and then correction. While my family was not perfect they gave me the best chance I had for a good start in life. But I do realise this is not the case for every person.
Perhaps your younger years were unsafe. Perhaps you were lonely. Just this morning, before sitting down to write this, I watched a mother tell her daughter that she was an embarrassment to her. This happened right in front of us. I can only imagine the deep pain that young girl felt and I shudder to think of the future pain she will experience as insecurity, fear and shame take root in her psyche. It’s possible you were also abused emotionally as a young person.
There are extremes in our communities, and these extreme cases often make the news as families are publicly shattered, arrested, or terminated. But behind many closed doors there are families who are fractured without the publicity. The withdrawal of love, the harshness of words, the sting of punishment, the absence of support or leadership, the burden of expectation – all these negative experiences are fracturing families and causing significant flow-on effects in our communities.
These fractures cause fragility in the deep recesses of our soul. Our emotions are scarred and our hearts forever disabled when pain runs deep. This fragility is carried into our futures like a permanent limp, affecting how we interact and love others as we journey through the seasons of life.
When families are divided this division causes disillusionment. Confusion becomes rampant when children are caught in-between the battle lines drawn by their parents. The absence of answers extends into blame that often results in self-hate, causing a perilous precipice from which many young people fall, lost in the abyss of hopelessness.
Short-term solutions that come as a “quick-fix” may numb the pain but they almost always lead to long-term problems. Too many times I’ve seen grown adults choose a childish answer to a problem, preferring the easy answer instead of the right answer. Where has the timeless quality of wisdom disappeared to from the human race?
The heart and soul are the most precious possessions we have as human beings. What good would it be for our future if we gained everything and yet lost our soul?
What’s my point? Why have I led you down this path?
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